(KP-9) People Get Angry At You So You Can Get Angry At Them
Meet Bhavina Patel, first Indian paddler to win a medal at Paralympics | Why Emotional Intelligence can matter more than IQ | A poem on True Love
Life Lesson
When people incite or get angry at someone they are very well aware that it’s going to come back at them.
I guess secretly, I mean subconsciously, people want others to get mad at them, get angry at them. Let me explain with an example:
Suppose you are admonishing me or trying to instigate me and after listening to your rant all I say in return is “Ok” or “Hmmm”, how would you feel?
Not good, right?
You would feel like all your ‘efforts’ went in vain.
I am sure if I read enough books on Psychology, I would come across the exact phenomenon at play here. But would knowing the nomenclature change anything? Not much, I guess.
But the lesson learned is not to incite people and not getting angry at them inciting me. Just giving a calm and composed riposte.
But the real progress will be to implement this lesson in daily life.
Work in progress!
Feel-Good Positive Story
This week let us know more about the sensation Bhavina Patel, the 34-year-old who scripted history by becoming the first-ever Indian table tennis player to earn a place on the podium at the Paralympic Games.
Bhavina Patel, who was diagnosed with polio as a baby and has been using crutches since, went to Ahmedabad after finishing her schooling in Sundhiya, a 15,000-person hamlet in Gujarat's Mehsana district, to pursue an ITI computer science course. She became addicted to table tennis there, but pursuing her newfound love wasn't easy. To get to the event, Bhavina would have to change two buses, hop into a couple of shared auto-rickshaws, and then navigate Ahmedabad's infamous traffic while on crutches. Once in a while, she'd be joined by a former state-level under-19 cricketer — a dependable buddy back then and a supportive spouse now, Nikul Patel.
Isn’t it inspiring to know that even after being a specially-abled child, she did not surrender her life to despondency and everything-is-over and nothing-can-be-done-now attitude?
But what pains me is that no one takes notice of you, much less praises you, unless you have won a medal or an accolade on an International level.
Many people didn’t know Kailash Satyarthi until he won the Nobel.
I am sure there are hundreds of Bhavina Patel and Neeraj Chopra and Kailash Satyarthi living and breathing and pursuing their dreams in oblivion in India today.
Book/Podcast/Video Suggestion
This week I have a book suggestion for you. And it’s called Emotional Intelligence (Why it can matter more than IQ) by Daniel Goleman.
Goleman’s Emotional Intelligence was on The New York Times bestsellers list for a year-and-a-half. Named one of the 25 "Most Influential Business Management Books" by TIME, it has been translated into 40 languages. The Harvard Business Review called emotional intelligence (EI) “a revolutionary, paradigm-shattering idea.”
As the name suggests, it talks about the emotional well-being aspect and its role in a person’s life. Through vivid examples, Goleman outlines the five crucial skills of emotional intelligence and shows how they determine our success in relationships, work, and even our physical well-being.
One of my favorite quotes from the book is:
A belligerent samurai, an old Japanese tale goes, once challenged a Zen master to explain the concept of heaven and hell. The monk replied with scorn, "You're nothing but a lout - I can't waste my time with the likes of you!"
His very honor attacked, the samurai flew into a rage and, pulling his sword from its scabbard, yelled "I could kill you for your impertinence."
"That," the monk calmly replied, "is hell."
Startled at seeing the truth in what the master pointed out about the fury that had him in its grip, the samurai calmed down, sheathed his sword, and bowed, thanking the monk for the insight.
"And that," said the monk "is heaven."
The sudden awakening of the samurai to his own agitated state illustrates the crucial difference between being caught up in a feeling and becoming aware that you are being swept away by it. Socrates's injunction "Know thyself" speaks to the keystone of emotional intelligence: awareness of one's own feelings as they occur.
Quote/Poem
David Whyte on True Love:
…and if you wanted
to drown you could,
but you don’t
because finally
after all this struggle
and all these years
you simply don’t want to
any more
you’ve simply had enough
of drowning
and you want to live and you
want to love and you will
walk across any territory
and any darkness
however fluid and however
dangerous to take the
one hand you know
belongs in yours.
"When people incite or get angry at someone they are very well aware that it’s going to come back at them."
Very true! Every action has an equal and opposite reaction.
Besides, scolding is never a solution to teach a child. By doing so you would either give birth to fear or detachment in the child.
Very well written and composed.. a lot to learn in a short.. keep it up!