Channel the Hurt to Create Something Heart-Worthy (KTB-1)
Hurt can be a productive and creative force
Hello fellow Explorers! This is the start of something new. In addition to my original newsletter ‘Eastern Perspective’ where I share wisdom and philosophy from the East, I am starting a new project called ‘Know Thyself Better’ where I will share wisdom that will help us on our journey of self-exploration and self-discovery.
The purpose of both publications is to help us find and meet our true selves, and know the reality of our beings. I hope you, as much as I will benefit from it. Enjoy!
Hurt has the power to transform us. Just like any other feeling if taken seriously and head-on.
So, when you are hurt I’d say turn to art, music, dance, sports, poetry, and prose. You will learn a great deal about yourself when you are hurt.
But, the basic instinct is always to turn away from the hurt.
And turn towards distractions, drugs (of all kinds), and destruction.
When I feel hurt I start eating dark chocolate while watching Netflix. My wife when hurt starts watching Crime Patrol.
You get the point.
Usually, when we are hurt, we hurt other people—even the ones we love and care about.
Hurt people hurt people.
The right thing to do would be to stay with the hurt and let it reveal itself.
We have to let it teach us. Hurt wants to convey a message.
Go to the root. Just observe.
But, it's terribly difficult to do. Why?
Because nobody taught us while we were young.
We could have grasped these emotional, social, and mindfulness skills during our childhood so easily. We were malleable then.
But no!
They wanted to teach us Civics, Politics, History! And that too inaccurate!
Look inside! That's the source of all the above-mentioned and other subjects.
Master the inner world and you can rule the outer world.
The more we are open to hurt the more we can embrace kindness.
It works both ways.
Hurt is not inherently bad like most other things. It's our perception of and reaction to hurt.
I think hurt makes us whole.
Do you know what Jim Morrisson, the famous frontman of The Doors, had said about hurt and pain?
“People are afraid of themselves, of their own reality; their feelings most of all. People talk about how great love is, but that’s bullshit. Love hurts. Feelings are disturbing. People are taught that pain is evil and dangerous. How can they deal with love if they’re afraid to feel? Pain is meant to wake us up. People try to hide their pain. But they’re wrong. Pain is something to carry, like a radio. You feel your strength in the experience of pain. It’s all in how you carry it. That’s what matters. Pain is a feeling. Your feelings are a part of you. Your own reality. If you feel ashamed of them, and hide them, you’re letting society destroy your reality. You should stand up for your right to feel your pain.”
I completely agree.
There is something pure and hence affectionate about hurt too.
So don't run away from hurt, Ansh. Embrace it.
How?
Just don't react. Wait. Just wait.
And try to feel it. How does it feel in your body? Where in the body do you most feel the hurt?
If in the heart, give your complete attention there. Stay with it. Slow down your breathing.
Now, your turn, fellow Explorers!
What do you do when you feel hurt? Do you turn to distractions or drugs or destruction?
And let me know why you find it hard to embrace hurt.
What can we collectively do to better deal with hurt?
Do you have any tips or tactics or tools you turn to to deal with hurt?
Let's share in the comments below or in the chat thread. Let's make this interactive and learn from one another.
Let's walk on this journey of self-exploration and self-discovery together. Let’s know ourselves better.
This is the whole point of writing on Substack and having this wonderful community, isn't it?
Accept that it is part of the journey of life, that there is good reason why it happened and move on with your life purpose…because being hurt can’t and shouldn’t stop you from fulfilling your life purpose…that helps tremendously…because instead of focusing on us we pivot to something more important than us…
Amen to that whole episode on hurt! You are particularly right when you talked about emotional intelligence and mastery. How much it would change the world with something so simple and accessible!
It personnally took me 34 to master my feelings and 32 to even be aware that I had to master them. This is how clueless we are about it all and there is no point feeling shame about it, we are all in the same boat. We can only help each other out before it sinks.
Here's my take on it:
We are so hurt that we thing if we acknowledge the hurt it will hurt even more.
The reality is that it doesn't. But go tell that to that traumatised brain. It takes practice.
Personnally I do two things:
I journal. I state:
I am hurt.
This happened and left me hurt.
I am hurt because that made me feel...
I felt this way because I expected...
I expected this because I am lacking...
With that new gained clarity, I am ready to embrace my feelings, and myself. Give myself some compassion, care, understanding, and love. From that place I am even able to forgive and repair.
It goes even deeper because often being hurt is not even the actual situation but a replay of a traumatic event.
What part of me felt freightened?
Can I identify the deep fears it triggered?
Can I go back to a time when I first experienced that?
Is the experience of this feeling still relevant?
This seems like a lot of work, but actually, it goes through much faster than self- destruction.